As it Happened
by jkjkjkk
Summary: Marauders and Lily in their fifth year
1. Chapter 1

Hiya! This is my first shot at writing Marauders centric fanfic! All reviews and thoughts are much appreciated I need to know how I'm doing!

Lily Evans is a fraud. Lily Evans is a _freak. _Lily Evans should climb on a broomstick, fly as high as Icarus did, and fall to her death.

Lily tugged at her hair, wishing it would come off. Her reflection glared back at her. Today was going to be a rough day. She pushed her hair back into a ponytail, tying it back as tightly as possible. Her father's voice echoed in her head, "Hair is hair, buttercup. What gives?"

She winced at the sight of tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. Her nose was now a bright red, an unhappy pairing with her hair. Brilliant.

She glanced longingly at the empty parchment on her table. The other girls had been waiting too long already though, and Lily couldn't expect privacy for much longer. Sure enough, Marlene burst into the room a split second later.

"Will you _please _come? If I have to listen to Bertha talk about Black's hair for one more second, I'm going to lock her in a trunk. She keeps implying she found him in a closet with _someone_, but unless that someone is me, I don't really care now, do I?"

Marlene looked murderous. Lily hastily grabbed her books and with one last glance at her desk, followed her out of their room.

"You know she asked me if I had ever considered getting my nose configured? My nose, Lils. I've never thought about my nose as much in my life as I have in the last ten minutes."

"There's nothing wrong with your nose. Now if only we could say the same about Bertha's. It's has been showing up in all sorts of scandalous locations."

Marlene snorted as they exited through the hole.

"Where's Dorcas?"

Marlene linked her arm through Lily's and grumbled. "Bet she's at the table, the hog," her voice suddenly went up an octave. "I can't take McGonagall today Lils, I really can't. She's going to make me try the Switching Spell again and I'm going to muck up _again."_

"I'll sit with you. That way, when I accidentally switch Sirius's hair with Potter's, she won't notice what you've done."

"Mmm. That would be _troubling._ How would those two stand losing the only thing they truly treasure?"

"Could be devastating."

"If you do this for me, I'm going to keep the room so clean you could eat off the floor. I'll clean every day. Every hour even."

Their snickering was cut short as they rounded into the Great Hall and the thin stream of students temporarily separated them. As Lily moved towards the Gryffindor table, she noticed the High Table was once more sparsely occupied. This was hardly news; it was usual for there to only be two or three teachers present at a time. The absence of McGonagall, however, was conspicuous.

James and Sirius were murmuring all the way at the front of the table. That's when Lily fully realized how quiet everyone was. Her fists curled up around her wand as she approached Alice. Alice's eyes were tense. As she caught sight of Lily, she tried to force a smile on her face.

"Don't, Alice. Who?"

The smile faltered. "Merlin, Evans. Ease off a little."

Her voice was clipped as she nodded at the first years leaning in to eavesdrop. Irritation pricked at Lily. Why was Alice, a seventh year, even sitting with the first years? She could feel the anger, always so close to the surface, rising as Alice pursed her lips and turned away from her. She'd always thought Alice and she had a quiet understanding. Sure, they didn't spend the weekends braiding each other's hair. The retort was on the tip of her tongue, when a quiet voice behind her interrupted.

"Lily?"

"Remus!"

Lily's voice was relieved. Remus could answer the questions burning away at her. His soft eyes were cautious as he assessed her. Not cautious. Distraught. The hollow feeling in her stomach was almost too much to bear. She knew what was coming, but she didn't want to know. Not anymore. Not again.

"How many?" Her voice was so steady it shocked her. It almost pleased her that she could sound so calm. The whisper of pride immediately repulsed her and she wished she could twist it out of herself.

Remus must have detected some of her conflict because he didn't hold back.

"Fifty muggles last night. The five wizards deployed in the town were dead too. The Dark Mark was cast over their bodies."

Lily swallowed. "Daily Prophet?"

Remus snorted. He seemed to regret it immediately, because his voice reverted to a flat tone. "The wizards there. They were related to Meadowes. Her mother, father, brother, and sisters. Her family."

Remus was rambling. He never rambled.

"All of them?"

Remus hesitated, his eyes scrutinizing Lily's face.

"All of them."

Marlene let out a strangled cry. Lily jumped at the sound. She hadn't realized that Marlene was standing next to her. She'd forgotten Marlene existed, that anyone existed. Her mind was empty, but she was saying something. What was she saying?

"Where is she?"

"She left in the morning. I was with her when she got the news," the boy's face was pale, paler than she'd ever seen it and she'd seen it past more full moons than she could count. "She wanted me to tell you. All of you." His head tilted up at the last word. His eyes were now trained on Marlene, who had silent tears streaming down her face.

"We'll get them all. And we'll fucking kill them." Marlene's voice was hard and loud, loud enough for all the first years who had been listening in to hear.

Lily glimpsed Sirius's face harden in agreement as he looked over at Marlene. Their eyes caught each other's as Lily looked on, and the silent solidarity that passed between them loosened some of the shock Lily was feeling. She could feel the rage again; Her rage, mirrored in Potter's eyes; Her fear, reflecting off of Pettigrew's face; Her grief, harrowing the contours of Remus's face, as they locked eyes.

Fifty muggles. Her best friend's family. Fifty five new people to add to a never ending list of casualties. She'd fucking kill them all.


	2. Chapter 2

When Severus first told Lily about the wizarding world, she'd been relieved. All those years she'd spent repressing the part of her that didn't fit in were finally over. She could make fields of lilies bloom as she walked through them, fly off of swings – anything, really, she was _magic. _Not a freak. Magic.

But then she came to Hogwarts and a boy with warm, brown eyes that she just couldn't help glancing at every few seconds caught her eyes and called her a mudblood. He looked at her as though she was a filthy abomination – like she was a freak.

She asked Severus what he meant, and he'd coloured and told her to ignore it. It didn't _matter, _the boy just didn't know how powerful Lily was. Lily had been troubled, but she trusted Snape and she wanted to trust that she wouldn't be on the outside. She ignored him then, and each time she'd felt the uncomfortable prickling on her back from hostile words and hostile eyes, she would seek him out and chant Severus's words in her head. _It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter._

This particular morning, as Caius Avery slid next to Sirius and said in a whisper that carried over to where Lily was frozen, Lily couldn't remember how the chant went.

"I smell less dirty blood this morning, Black. Makes it easier to spot the stench of blood traitors like you."

Sirius's face paled. James sprang up from his seat, his wand drawn, but he was too late. There was a loud bang and Avery was flung across the room, tentacles erupting all over his body. Gasps filled the hall. Students jumped to their feet at the sound, craning their necks to find the source.

Remus spun around to look at Lily, hoping she had spotted who had cast the curse. She was standing in front of him, her wand drawn, eyes gleaming. He'd known the witch was dangerous, but not like this.

"_Lily!" _Remus sprang across the space between them as Lily's wand moved to cast another spell.

"Move out of the way, Remus!"

Her eyes were unforgiving and for a split second, Remus was sure he was about to be hexed.

"Miss Evans," McGonagall's voice was clipped. Remus had never been so relieved to see her."My office, please."

Lily's eyes never left the spot where Avery had landed. A small group of students had gathered around him. Remus could make out Sirius among them, admiring the damage Lily had done.

"Professor, it's not her fault. Avery was being a prat. He –

"That's enough, Mr. Potter. Miss Evans, follow me."

"If I have detention already, Professor, perhaps another few minutes with Avery are in order?"

Sirius barked out a laugh as Remus looked between McGonagall and Lily in amazement. The two women shared a look, and it felt like a silent conversation was happening before his very eyes. Finally, Lily's shoulders slumped.

"Can I gather my books?"

McGonagall nodded curtly. A few minutes later, she led Lily down the whispering hall and all the way to her office. They walked in silence.

Lily was seething, but panic at being led to McGonagall's office was beginning to set in. She wondered how many weeks of detention something like this would be worth. She could've asked Sirius, but then he'd hardly remember what the penalty for a first-time caught-offender would be. Maybe her record would come in handy. Then again, Transfiguration was hardly her best subject and McGonagall hadn't positively crossed paths with her over the years. She'd caught her out of bed in Lily's second year, and then once more when Lily had charmed all the beetles in second year to start singing anytime someone attempted to change them into buttons. McGonagall wasn't aware of that particular indiscretion though - she had thought the marauders were responsible for the buttons. Dorcas had helped her lay that particular trap.

Lily's shoulders slumped further at the memory. McGonagall opened the door to the office and Lily dragged herself to the chair.

"Miss Evans, it has been a difficult morning."

Lily's eyebrows sprang up. Was McGonagall trying to be _sympathetic?_

"Avery is a prat."

McGonagall's lips thinned. Lily was almost satisfied to see a shadow pass over her face.

"You can give me detention, I don't care. Avery, he –

Lily's voice choked off. She didn't care about Avery. She didn't care about detention or the way McGonagall's eyes were raking over her. She looked away, willing back the tears that had been waiting all morning for release.

"As I was saying, it has been a difficult morning."

Somehow, it was harder to look at McGonagall when her voice was almost gentle.

"The funeral for the Meadowes is to be held tomorrow. Dorcas said she would like for you, Mr. Lupin, and Miss McKinnon to be there. I've made the arrangements, and the three of you can depart in the evening by Floo. I trust you know what Flooing is?"

"I – yes, I can Floo. Thank you, Professor." Confusion, regret, and despair were batting against her head. Lily couldn't focus on McGonagall's words.

"You will also be serving detention with me for a week. Attacking a fellow student is not acceptable under any circumstances."

Lily nodded numbly. A week was much better than she had any right to hope for.

"And Miss Evans?"

"Yes, Professor?"

McGonagall's eyes were the darkest they had ever been. "I don't need to tell you these are dangerous times. There are things we want, but that wouldn't be _prudent _to act upon. Not yet. Are we understood?"

"I, yes, we're understood."

"Good." Relief was knitted into the contracted eyebrows. "Classes are about to start, but you may be excused. Let the others know."

Lily nodded mutely as her stomach began to grumble. The ghost of a smile flickered across McGonagall's eyes as Lily turned around and left the room.

As the door shut behind her, Lily saw James anxiously hovering near the door.

"What do you want, Potter?"

"I just wanted –" He cut himself off. "Are you okay?"

That caught her off guard. No stupid joke, no banter? Merlin, the end really was here.

She ignored his question. "Where's Remus? I need to talk to him."

"He's headed to class, I told him I'd check on you. You can talk to me, y'know."

His voice was so earnest it made her want to scream. "I'm fine, Potter. I need to talk to Remus about something else."

James winced and took a step back, his face maintaining the concern. "I'll tell him you're looking for him."

It was unnerving to hear James Potter be straightforward. She bit back the retort she had waiting. Instead, Lily gripped her books a little more tightly and headed to the Great Hall, where she was sure Marlene would still be waiting.


	3. Chapter 3

The last time Remus attended a funeral was more than ten years ago. His mother had gripped his hand so hard during the speech he'd been worried he would scream. When the adults started making hushed conversation, Remus slipped away. The noise and tears made it difficult to breathe. He'd only wanted to take a walk, so he was shocked when his mother wrenched his shoulder from behind and told him to never stray that far away. That was really all he remembered; the bewildering realization that the most important rules were rarely spoken, but must always be followed.

He wished now, more than ever, that someone had taken the time to write out rules for situations like this. The cold bit through Remus's thin coat as he tried to find Dorcas. Lily and Marlene peered through the small, huddled group, similarly out of place. They hadn't said one word since they'd dusted themselves off at the fireplace.

"There she is," Marlene muttered, pointing opposite to where Remus had been willing his eyes to spot Dorcas.

Sure enough, they could see the forlorn figure standing where wizards and witches had formed a loose train. In unspoken agreement, the three made their way to Dorcas.

Dorcas spotted them as they moved closer, her dark eyes blank. It was terrifying to see the emptiness that had replaced her usual brightness. Remus's stomach plummeted and he could feel the carnivorous desire to _rip _what was causing his family such pain.

Remus shook his head. The three found seats where Dorcas could see them, even as she responded mutely to the murmured sympathies, in the hope that the sight of them would provide a comfort none of them could convey with words.

It was late by the time Remus reached the common room. He was surprised by the sight of Sirius and James, writing on parchments with furrowed brows.

Sirius sprang to his feet at the sight of him. He immediately looked unsure of what to do next. Remus almost laughed at the sight, but the humour died as quickly as it had appeared.

"Did she, did you," Sirius paused for a second and wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Is she okay?"

Remus felt more than the numbness from the day as he remembered that Dorcas and Sirius had dated briefly in their third year.

"No." he said shortly.

"When will she be back?"

"Not for a few days. She said she wanted to pack what was left before."

Remus couldn't bear to look at James. James would've known how to make Dorcas feel better. Remus had just stood there, utterly useless. He'd told her he was _sorry, _as if she'd lost her owl or failed an exam. The slight tremors climbing up his torso threatened to betray his feelings. He clenched his fists and willed them down.

"There couldn't have been more than fifteen, twenty people."

The sound of his own voice surprised him. It was a minute before anyone said anything.

"I'm not surprised. People are afraid, y'know," James voice was soft. "They all think they're next."

"If they all continue hiding instead of helping Dumbledore, they will be next!" Sirius exclaimed in disgust. His hands were crossed as he paced the room. "We have to do something. We can fight! Just – Anything."

Remus could detect more than just frustration in Sirius's outburst.

"We will fight," he said softly. There wasn't anything left to say. They'd all had this conversation; rehashing it was childish indulgence. "Two more years and then we can join the Aurors."

Sirius snorted, kicking at the leg of the rocking chair. Silence fell between the boys once more.

"Is Peter asleep?"

"No, he said he was going to get us some food from the kitchens. He didn't think you'd have had anything to eat."

The familiar sensation of warm surprise spread through him. Remus felt some of the tension from the day loosen. He settled into the chair Sirius had vacated.

"My parents want me to join them in their "meeting halls" with all the other pure bloods. Not the obligatory balls and dinner, but the meetings where they sit and _talk _about blood purity and the vision of the Dark Lord. Can you believe that they're calling him that?" He didn't wait for a response, ploughing on, "I'm coming of age soon. And I have to carry on their traditions now."

Sirius's voice was strained. Remus wished he could wrap his arms around him.

"They want me to _support _their disgusting beliefs. They think I want a part in their "Grand Plan" and it's my fault because I've never said it to their face, have I? I've never told them to stuff it, that they're bigots who should all be thrown in Azkaban."

"Padfoot, they'd kill you."

Only James could say something so morbid with such calm.

"It'd be better than this." Sirius gestured at the empty room, and Remus had never felt the absence of all the students who had left in the last two years more acutely. He wanted to say something comforting, to yell at Sirius, but there was a lump in his throat he couldn't dislodge.

Right at that moment, Peter entered the room, baskets bundled in his hands and a gleeful smile on his face.

"I got the chocolate cake Moony loves!"

"D'you mean for _me?"_ Sirius's voice had seamless transitioned to something more casual. It was almost as though they'd been talking about the weather.

"Paws off my cake!" Remus scowled. This he understood.

James exchanged a look with Remus. He sighed almost imperceptibly, before turning to Peter and smacking the basket he was handing to Sirius. Peter yelped in surprise.

"Oi, get your own!" growled Sirius.

"This _is _my own. You're a dog, not a pig. Stop hoarding all our food."

"You mean all _my _food. Peter said it was for me. Didn't you, Peter?" Remus put on his best wounded voice.

Sirius barked out his laugh. "Don't answer that Peter, you know Remus would do anything to get what he wants. Give it here."

Peter looked between the three and sighed as loudly as he could. "If you're all going to fight, I'll just eat it on my own. Spare everyone the hurt."

The boys gasped in mock horror, and the squabbling recommenced. It went on unimpeded until they were munching on the food and even then, Sirius would yell out every other minute because Peter would swipe his food when he was turned away. Remus was halfway through his muffins before James finally drew back from the croissant he'd been munching on and interrupted Sirius's off-key singing,

"We have to decide how we're getting Avery back."

Thoughtful munching commenced amongst the boys.

"We could put itching powder on all his clothes?" Peter suggested after a moment.

"No," said James after a moment of thoughtful contemplation. "I don't want to prank him. This isn't about _him. _It's more than that now."

Remus looked at the solemn expressions on his friends' faces and felt a swell of pride. They were pranking for justice. He didn't need to speak above a whisper as the three turned one by one to look at him expectantly.

"I have an idea."


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry everyone, been bogged down with exams! Leave reviews, thoughts, ANYTHING, I could use the critique. Hope you like the chapter! xx

The sun hadn't nearly set, but the faint contours of the half-moon were taking a toll. Remus could feel the wolf in his chest, gnawing at the embers of his self-restraint. The tremors were coming, and he desperately looked around for a place to hide. He wrestled with his treacherous body, trying his hardest to will it out of existence. He couldn't let the others see him shaking like this.

"Found him! Moony, we've been looking all over for you!"

Remus had never in his life been more unhappy at hearing this voice.

"Moons, you'll never believe what just happened."

Remus forced a smile. "Did you lose another girlfriend in the broom closet?"

Remus winced inwardly. Of all the subjects in the world, why'd he have to pick Sirius' _girlfriends._ The wolf shifted uncomfortably at the burst of emotion, momentarily suppressed. Remus almost fell over at the sudden loss of pressure.

Sirius sprang forward as he teetered, grabbing onto his arm. "What is the matter, are you hurt?"

His voice was infused with concern. Sirius was never more proper than when he was truly worried. Remus latched onto the warmth spreading through him, desperately using it to shun the wolf further down. Unfortunately, the warmth was accompanied by a host of other emotions he couldn't start thinking about without getting dizzy.

"The only thing that hurts is how easily distracted you are. Did you find a new spot to bury your bones?"

His tone sounded hollow, even to him. There was no way Sirius would buy it. Sure enough, when Remus finally summoned the courage to look Sirius straight in the face, his face was twisted with concern. Remus would've laughed, but he could hardly breathe.

"We need to get you to Pompfry. No arguments."

"I'm fine, everything's, uhh" Remus couldn't meet Sirius' eyes for another second. He started to play with the frayed edge of his sleeve, wishing he would leave and stay at the same time.

"I'm fine," he said, finally.

"You're not fine, Moony. Let me help you."

Remus wasn't sure if it was him who growled this time or the wolf. "Help me the way you let us help you?" Remus easily slipped into the plural, aware of the distance it immediately created. "You think I haven't noticed the sneaking around? The potions you've been hiding? The nightmares? When are you going to tell us what's going on?"

Sirius had stiffened. His back was straight and his face cool and blank.

"If you don't want my help, just say so."

"I don't need help."

"Neither do I."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"Fuck you, Sirius."

The two of them glared at one another, too angry to speak. Remus was the first to break.

"I'm just tired, 's all. Let's finish charming the chairs?" It was a plea more than it was a question.

Sirius nodded, but didn't say a word. Remus sighed. He'd been meaning to have this conversation with Sirius, but this wasn't how he'd wanted it to go. There was no way Sirius would tell him what was going on now. He'd been withdrawn since the beginning of the year, not saying a word about the summer. Remus had seen the scars on his back, deeper and angrier than they'd ever been before. They'd tasked James with asking Sirius about them, but even he couldn't get him to talk.

"Are you gonna to tell us what the big idea is?"

Remus wagged his eyebrows, knowing full well how much it would irritate Sirius. "Haven't you guessed yet?"

"I know the charms must be triggered," Sirius wrinkled his nose in disgust, throwing his hands up in mock despair, "But it's all up in the air from there."

"You'll just have to wait and see then."

"You and Peter can't just keep these things to yourselves. You're meant to share."

"You and James can't keep your mouths shut for longer than a second. If we told you anything, you'd tell everyone, and we'd all be in detention before we'd pulled anything off."

Sirius scowled. "I can keep a secret, Remus."

"Too well for your own good."

The scowl reappeared on Sirius's face.

"Let's get this done."

Together, both the wizards raised their wands with similar frowns of concentrations as they began muttering the incantations they'd spent all week perfecting.

Remus woke up with a headache the next morning. The wolf was ravenous. Remus knew it was the wolf and not him: What he was craving would turn the stomach of any normal person. Remus spent the entire month suppressing the memory of the scents and sounds that accompanied the full moon, but the smallest whiff would bring them rushing back. He was acutely aware of what it was that he was hungering for.

"Merlin, Pete are you bleeding?"

"I cut my hand on James' mirror," Peter said anxiously, "I figured it'd heal, but the bleeding won't stop."

Remus couldn't stand the smell for a second longer. The wolf was fighting him, pressing against his bones as if it would break him from the inside out. He squeezed his eyes shut. He was dimly aware of James offering to take Peter to the hospital wing, and immediately focused on the sounds of James' dependably steady heartbeat. He followed it all the way out of the dormitory, until it and the smell could no longer be detected.

"Moony?" Sirius's voice was uncertain. "W's'matter?"

Remus took a deep, calming breath and forced his eyes open. "I'm despairing for all the hearts Peter's going to break."

Sirius snorted. "The only heart Peter breaks is his own. Have you seen a bird within a mile of him?" Sirius mimicked a panick-stricken expression, flailing his hands as he did so.

Remus snorted. "That was two years ago. Have you been paying any attention? Peter's practically assaulted by birds everywhere he goes."

"That's wacked. I heard a certain _Mary _had stolen his heart."

Remus snorted again. He could feel some of the shakiness subsiding. He reached down to his drawer and pulled out a Chocolate Frog. The sudden rush of energy was exhilarating, and for a second, it was as though the wolf didn't ever exist. Then something thwacked against his leg.

"Share."

Sirius' sulky expression transformed into slight horror at the sound that escaped Remus' throat. Remus immediately panicked at the slip-up. He stared at Sirius frantically, trying to communicate an apology but suddenly wreaked with the tremors as the wolf began to fight him for control. The spasms were quick, for which Remus was grateful. But he couldn't prevent the yelp of pain that escaped his throat. He lay there as it subsided, barely able to acknowledge that he'd lost and Sirius had been there to witness it.

The two sat in complete silence. Remus couldn't take it for another second. He burst out laughing. Sirius stared at him, bemused. He was saved from having to say anything as James darted into the room.

"We're going to miss breakfast if you don't move off your arse. Quit messing with Remus, Black, or I'll have to fight you to defend his honour."

The two playfully began to wrestle as Remus wrenched himself off his bed and into the shower. Once he was alone, he quickly washed himself down, scrubbing as hard as he could. How could he have been so stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. His skin was raw by the time he was out of the shower. The rapping on the door had long ceased, for which he was grateful.

He wasn't naïve enough to believe that the two had left without him. He'd heard Sirius whisper to James that he'd been acting weird. The two often forgot that his hearing was a bit better than the average person's. He didn't begrudge them their secret conversations, they both did far too much for him already. He didn't really belong with them anyway. They were, after all, only friends with him because he'd forced himself into their company.

Thoroughly miserable as he trudged out of the door, Remus trailed behind the two as they made their way to the Great Hall. He didn't miss the look they exchanged.

The excited murmurs had already gripped the Hall when the three of them entered. The excitement began to tussle with the dread.

"Who was it? Tell me it was Mulciber. I don't want to have missed seeing Mulciber humiliated. Was it Lucius?"

"Shut _up_ James, you need to let Pete answer. Was it Bellatrix, Pete?"

Pete's face was pink in excitement. "It was Nott. But it only happened for a few minutes, he flew out the hall and Slughorn caught him before anything really happened."

James looked disappointed.

"Plenty of time to go, mate," said Sirius, clasping his shoulder.

No sooner had he said the words did a shriek fill the hall.

"Get these infernal creatures away from me before I curse the whole lot of you!"

Even outraged, Bellatrix retained some of the deadly grace she was infamous for. The students near her cowered in terror as curses began to blast out of her wand at the owls dropping howlers on the table. Frantic, she attempted to burn the parchments, but they simply multiplied in number.

"Oh, I do hope she tries to leave," Sirius whispered to a giggling James.

Bellatrix did choose that moment to attempt to push out her chair. Immediately, it shot up in the air with her in it. A second later, the Howlers began to sing.

"_If you're a bigot and you know it,  
clap your hands!_

_If you're a bigot and you know it,_

_Clap your hands!"_

The chair was now slowly spinning around. Sirius was practically dancing with glee. The yells of horror that could be heard outside the hall were met with shouts of laughter; Nott was tangled up in pen and parchment singing "Muggle-borns are wizards too, Muggle-borns are just like you" in the tune of the _ABC _song_. _Bellatrix's eyes were transfixed on the sight of the hysterical Nott yelling profanities at the stationary.

"_If you're a bigot and you know it_

_And you can't help but show it,_

_If you're a bigot and you know it_

_Clap your hands!"_

"She looks like she's going to curse the owls."

Peter probably had a point, thought Remus. Bellatrix looked murderous.

By this point, she wasn't the only one in the air. Two more Slytherins and a Ravenclaw had joined her in the air. Remus could see Flitwick charming the owls pecking furiously at the horrified recipients. McGonagall was calmly transfiguring the Howlers closest to her, but Remus could've sworn she was deliberately taking as long as she could.

Laughter was spreading across the hall. On one end, Remus saw Sirius flutter his wand and begin to conduct the singing parchments that had quieted down as he serenaded McGonagall with a rendition of "Stairway to Heaven". Remus grinned – He wasn't half bad. From the looks of it, McGonagall thought so too. Her lips were twitching even as she glared at the mayhem around her.

From the corner of his eye, Remus spotted that Bellatrix had brought her hands together in a stiff clap. The Howler quieted down almost immediately, the chair gently bringing her back to the ground. She'd cottoned on quicker than the others, who were now spinning faster and faster in the hall.

He couldn't help but grin. James caught his eye and gave him a less-than-discreet thumbs up. James fought his way to McGonagall, mock horror on his face, loudly expressing his outrage as Peter nodded in fervent agreement. Sirius was sending up red and gold flares of "I love you Minny" across the hall. Lily had charmed the Howlers that Sirius had missed into playing a song Remus had never heard – it must have been popular though, because a number of Hufflepuffs were standing on the tables, laughing and dancing.

From the expression on McGonagall's face, Remus knew they were going to be in a world of trouble. But for the moment, it was as though there was no war, no pain, no death, no wolf; they were just reckless children.


	5. Chapter 5

"I can't believe they didn't even give you detention!"

Lily playfully shoved Remus. It had been two days since the Marauder's prank and they were finishing up with rounds.

"Really, Lily, I would _never _do such a thing. James and Sirius are the troublemakers," Remus batted his eyes at Lily as the two of them burst into laughter once more.

"But did you _see _Bellatrix's face? She looked like, like," Lily was laughing so hard, she was having trouble speaking.

"She looked a bit like you do right now, mate."

Lily immediately reached out and hit Remus across the head. She had to stand on her toes to reach his head. The combined effort of this and laughing were too much for her, and she all but collapsed on the floor a second later. One look at the bundle of mirth sent Remus spiraling as well. Ten minutes later, Sirius found the two clutching at each other, howling with laughter.

"Did someone dose you nuts with elixir for euphoria?"

At the sight of him, the two only laughed harder.

"And the owls, they pooped on him, Lily," Remus finally managed to wheeze, pointing a finger at Sirius.

Lily snorted, but she finally got to her feet and held out a hand to help Remus up. Sirius looked affronted.

"I'll have you know, you'd be hard pressed to find someone who wasn't victimized by those owls and their droopings."

Remus and Lily caught each other's eyes. Lily had to take a deep breath to calm herself before she could speak.

"You're out of bed past curfew."

"I was in detention_. _Scrubbing pots and blackboards until they were spotless," he grimaced.

"You know what the penalty for being caught out of bed is," Lily frowned.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "If you want a fag, all you have to do is ask," his voice dropped to a whisper, and he continued in his most seductive tone, "You know I'd share anything with you."

A shiver ran down Remus's spine as he looked between the two of them. He coughed, saying as he did so, "Rounds are over and I have to finish my Potions assignment. See you later, Lils."

"Just the two of us, then," Sirius shrugged. "Can't complain, especially since you blasted Avery. You really have become the woman of my dreams."

Lily chuckled. "Let's go then. I haven't had a smoke or a snog in ages."

Sirius made a disgusted face and Lily stuck her tongue out at him in response.

The two began to walk to their favourite spot near the Astronomy Tower. Lily was a bit surprised Sirius was coming along; he'd been avoiding her since the beginning of the semester. They smoked their first fag in silence, enjoying the night. It caught Lily off guard to see Sirius quiet like this, and she wasn't sure how to navigate through the uncharacteristic reticence.

"So," she began, somewhat awkwardly. Remus really needed to stop telling her about the inner workings of boys' minds.

"Not you as well."

Lily felt the familiar lurch of anger. "Yes, me as well."

"I don't want to talk about it, Evans."

Perhaps it was the use of her last name or the fact that her nerves were weary from constant dread or the fact that she'd had a perfectly good evening and now Sirius was going to take away the small pocket of happiness she'd burrowed in.

"You are the most arrogant arsehole I've met in my life. I'm not some bird you can leave behind in the broom closet. And you're not here, smoking with me, because you _don't want to talk about it_."

Sirius had to give it to her, even in anger, she mimicked his accent perfectly.

"I'm your friend. I'm here to listen to you. I'm smoking this bloody fag in the freezing cold because I want you to talk to me. But don't you sit here and expect me to beg, _Black."_

Maybe it was the use of his last name that snapped him out of it.

"I'm sorry, Lily."

She softened at the dark look in his eyes. He looked away. The look of pity and understanding was almost too much to bear.

"What happened this summer?"

Sirius took a long puff from the cigarette. His other hand nervously tapped the stones they were sitting on.

"It started off well. Better than well. Regulus and I, we were talking, y'know. We didn't _agree _on anything, but I could tell he was beginning to, not doubt, but maybe think?"

Sirius exhaled. His face spread into one of his rare, genuine smiles, the one that made him look warm and carefree. Lily's heart squeezed as she realized how rare a sight this was.

"Reg and I got on the train and went to this village. We told our parents we had to meet the Mulcibers. They were delighted, thought they were finally getting through to me," His face darkened for a second. His hand was scratching at the rocks now. "Anyway, we sat at some café and we talked for hours. Just catching up? There was no one around and it felt just like old times." His face was soft.

"That sounds lovely, truly." Lily couldn't think of a better word.

"It was. Lovely." He looked surprised as he repeated it. Lily realized with a pang that his eyes were brighter than usual. She moved closer to him and squeezed his hand to stop him from scraping its skin off.

They were quiet for so long that Lily thought he'd forgotten she was there. The fag was nearly finished when he absentmindedly passed it back to her. There was this strange, faraway look in his eyes. When he finally spoke, she started. He gave a soft chuckle and squeezed her hand in assurance.

"They found out we hadn't been to Mulciber's. Maybe his parents told them or maybe they had Kreacher follow us."

Lily didn't dare interrupt to ask who or what Kreacher was.

"But they knew. And they didn't hold back. Regulus, he," Sirius swallowed. "He tried to stop them, the idiot, but they probably thought it was time he got a taste as well. I threw myself on him, Lily, I did. I tried to stop them too."

Sirius's let out an agonized yelp. It was a good ten minutes before he spoke again, lighting a fresh fag before he did so.

"I didn't know what else to do, Lily. They've never touched him. I had to distract them somehow. So I told them," he took another long drag. "I told them I liked men."

Lily didn't say a word. There wasn't anything to say. He exhaled.

"It distracted them all right. They forgot Reg was even there. I can't remember much of the next two days. But when I came to, they told me they were going to "curse it out" of me. And Merlin, did they try." He chuckled drily. "I don't know what to do, Lily. I couldn't protect myself or Regulus. I was utterly useless."

He broke off for a moment, trying to regain his composure.  
"And you know the worst part? I feel like I'm still there. I haven't left that basement. Any time someone moves their wand, I flinch. I think they'll curse me. All I ever hear is them screaming at me, telling me I'm a freak, an abomination, a disgrace. I can't think, I can't feel. I'm not human anymore."

His voice broke. Lily wrapped her arms around him as he began to sob.

"I don't want to go back."

Lily brushed away her tears. This wasn't about her. Her chest was heavy and she clutched Sirius tightly, detesting her helplessness and the sources of his pain. She wanted nothing more than to chase away his hurt but she wouldn't know where to start. Instead, she pressed as close to him as she could, stroking his hair until his sobs quieted down.

"You don't have to stay with them. You can live with me for as long as you want, you know that?" Lily knew what he was going to say, but she had to try anyway.

"You know I could never leave Reg. Especially not now."

Lily was quiet. She took the fag from Sirus. It warmed her a little. Her legs swung back and forth. She knew Sirius was watching her. She only wished she knew what to say.

"I'm glad you told me."

"Me too."

"They're wrong about everything, Sirius." Lily gently repositioned Sirius' face so he could no longer avoid her eyes. "They're fucking monsters and they're wrong. You are brilliant and caring and you can love whoever you want. And whoever you want will love you. And you and Regulus will escape them someday and you'll never ever have to go back."

It was a while before Sirius said anything.

"Thanks Lils."

"You're not an abomination." Lily knew she couldn't let the night end before saying those words out loud. Sirius chuckled.

"Careful, I don't want to tell James you've fallen for me."

Lily gave him a small smile. She hesitated a second, but pressed on.

"You should tell them too."

His eyes darkened. He knew who she was referring to. "What would be the point?" he asked, harshly.

"It's killing you not to tell them." Lily kept her voice level.

"They wouldn't get it. And they'd be unreasonable."

"They're your brothers. They'll be whatever it is you want them to be."

Sirius looked at her for a full minute. She returned his gaze, unsure of what else there was to do. Finally, he got up, brushed his robes, and held out his hand to help her up. She smiled, accepting the uncharacteristic assistance. They linked their arms, walking back to the castle in companionable silence.


End file.
